"My sister is expecting a baby, but I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
--Chuck Nevitt (NC State University basketball team)
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them."
--George Bush, US President
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
--Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
--In a Hotel in Athens
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
--In a Japanese Hotel
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
--In the Lobby of a Moscow Hotel Across from a Russian Orthodox Monastary
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
--Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop
"In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
--In a Vienna hotel
"Special today---no ice cream."
--In a Swiss mountain inn
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
--In a Tokyo bar
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
--In a Copenhagen airline ticket office