"My sister is expecting a baby, but I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
--Chuck Nevitt (NC State University basketball team)

"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them."
--George Bush, US President

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
--Jason Kidd

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
--Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
--In a Hotel in Athens

"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
--In a Japanese Hotel

"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
--In the Lobby of a Moscow Hotel Across from a Russian Orthodox Monastary

"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
--Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop

"In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
--In a Vienna hotel

"Special today---no ice cream."
--In a Swiss mountain inn

"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
--In a Tokyo bar

"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
--In a Copenhagen airline ticket office

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